REVIEW - I grew up eating Straw Hat Pizza, it was the best pizza I ever had. Nobody could recreate the taste of a Straw Hat Pizza, not even Me-n-Eds. Then they sold out to ‘Pizza Slut’, the worst pizza ever made, and Straw Hat was gone forever.
About five years ago, my wife and I were honeymooning in Lake Tahoe and found a Straw Hat Pizza in Harvey's Casino. We high-tailed it into the casino and sat down for a night of the best pizza I had eaten since I was a kid. Imagine my delight when last week my daughter and I were driving down East Shaw Avenue in Clovis, California, and saw a brand new Straw Hat where the Elephant Lounge used to be located. A week later, we made a point to go and try what I was sure was going to be great pizza.
Like with my wife five years ago, I started the buildup to my daughter about how great this pizza would be; how this pizza would be life-changing. I told her all the stories of the Madera restaurant from my youth, including how a former city official from our town streaked through the restaurant when he was a senior in high school one Friday night after a football game, only wearing the school's Coyote mascot head. It was awesome.
Then our waitress came to our table, and it was evident that Straw Hat was no longer a family restaurant. In her skimpy shorty-shorts and low-cut top, it looked like she was selling something I had no interest in. This was not the family restaurant I remember from my youth or my trip to Lake Tahoe.
So I ordered the pizza that was my favorite as a kid and told the waitress that I needed to substitute mushrooms for another toping because of a severe food allergy. I asked her multiple times to make sure the cooks knew about the allergy. Forty-five minutes later, with empty drinks that had not been refilled since we sat down, the manager informed us no one had told the cook about the food allergy. The manager had caught the mistake before the food was served, but now it would need to be re-made which was going to take another half hour.
When the waitress brought the second pizza, I thanked her for nearly killing me and ensuring we didn't drink too much soda that night since she never came back to check on our table. Her reaction was to be upset with me and refused to serve us any longer. That worked for me since she nearly sent me to the hospital by ignoring my allergy to mushrooms.
Finally, the manager stopped by again to ask us how things were going. Unfortunately, I had just taken my first bite and had to report that this is not how a Straw Hat Pizza was supposed to taste. On my second bite, I pulled back the toppings to find raw pizza dough, which I showed to the manager. After well over an hour and two attempts, they had managed to bring me a pizza that was not even cooked through. The manager started to sound as though he would ask the cook to try again. But nope… strike two, and we were not waiting for strike three, which might have meant a pizza full of shorty-short spit, so we paid for our drinks and left.
What did I realize tonight? The Elephant Lounge is still a bar. It just now has the brand ‘Straw Hat Pizza’ painted on the building. What if I still want excellent Straw hat Pizza? I won't find it in Clovis and might have to go back to Lake Tahoe, where it was everything I remembered (and dreamed it would be). In short, My experience was that the Clovis Straw Hat is not aiming at being the family-friendly place the brand used to represent. Of course, Dads that bring enough dollar bills, might find the waitress with the hottie shorty-shorts entertaining, but your health might suffer for it.
The bottom line, this is not a place for kids or families. So mom, you will not feel comfortable bringing the little league team here after a game or for Billy's birthday. Guy's night out might be fun but don't expect much from the menu since the food is just as mediocre as any other bar of this caliber. Straw Hat must be getting desperate for franchisees.
